What women say - and what women mean

My own version of the Women - Normal Speech Dictionary.

#1. How are you?
Ask me how I am.

#2. What are you up to tonight / this week?
A) Do you wanna do something together?
B) Anything you say will be remembered and used against you if you say you're busy (see number 4).

#3. I see / I understand
I disagree, but I don't want you to think I'm crazy / desperate.

#4. I see / I understand in response to variations of 'I'm busy'
Stop making up excuses why you don't want to go out with me.

#5. Great
I don't give a crap, but I think you won't recognize that my enthusiasm is fake.

#6. Yeah / Sure / True
I have no idea how to continue the conversation.

#7. I love that band/movie!
I have never heard of it, but I think you'll like me better if I lie. *proceed to Google search*

#8. I've always wanted to try that.
Whatever, I'd do anything to spend more time with you.

#9. I'm okay / fine
I'm NOT okay and I want you to ask me what's going on.

#10. It's nothing
Don't listen to what I say and ask me what's wrong.

#11. It's okay in response to something you did (and probably aren't aware of) or forgot to do
There will be consequences.

#12. No one ever likes / wants to date me.
One very specific man doesn't like / want to date me.

#13. Being single is awesome.
Being single is worse than having your teeth pulled out, but admitting that would make me look desperate.

#14. I'm not into girly stuff that much.
I secretly watch Gossip Girl on Netflix.

#15. I don't think I'm that attractive / pretty / hot.
I'm not confident enough and I want you to tell me that I'm beautiful.

#16. You're funny.
I can't believe you said that.

#17. How do I look?
You need to compliment my appearance more often.

#18. Yes, she's very pretty.
One more word and you're in for silent treatment.

#19. All men are jerks.
He doesn't want me.

#20. You're such a nice guy.
I wouldn't sleep with you even if I had to choose between you and a giant octopus.